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Enabling Checklist

1. Have you ever blamed yourself for his/her behavior?
Yes No

2. Have you ever excused a school or work absence for your troubled teen, or lied about his symptoms?
Yes No

3. Have you avoided talking about his/her behavior in order to "keep the peace"?
Yes No

4. Have you bailed him out of jail or paid for his legal fees?
Yes No

5. Have you paid bills that he was supposed to have paid himself?
Yes No

6. Have you loaned him money to avoid argument after your troubled teen frittered away his salary?
Yes No

7. Have you given him "one more chance" a dozen times over?
Yes No

8. Have you threatened consequences but then did not follow through?
Yes No

9. Have you ever finished a job or project that your troubled teen failed to complete himself?
Yes No

10. Members of Alanon will tell you that "Helping" is doing something for someone that they are incapable of doing for themselves and that "Enabling" is doing things someone should darned well be doing for themselves. Now, answer truthfully. Are you Helping your out of control teen or are you Enabling his or her behaviors?
Yes No

Why is knowing this important? Understanding that we must cease enabling our troubled teen's out of control behavior is the first step toward following through with another Alanon key word, "Detachment". Learning to detach ourselves from the emotional turmoil the behaviors of our out of control teens cause is what eventually saves both us and them. Detachment returns our sanity by allowing us to find a place of mental peace and spiritual strength for ourselves. In order to think clearly, act decisively and help our children without enabling, we must learn the art of detachment.

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